4.

Awkward moments. I feel like I'm always in them. I feel like I'm constantly sitting in that position where I'm thinking "Dear Lord, just get me through this...." And if  you're anything like me, you overanalyze every little detail about that moment throughout the entire day.
Could I have done this differently?
Did I make a face?
What are they thinking?
Are they still thinking about it like I am?
Why didn't I just act cool?
It can be a three second moment where you wave back at someone just to realize they aren't exactly waving at you or it could be that you stutter when talking to someone you just met.  Or it could be one of those hour long moments when you're eating dinner with someone for the first time and you can't concentrate on anything (even how the food tastes) because you're constantly worrying about if food is in your teeth, if you're smacking, or if you can get away with spitting this bone into your napkin (which was the case for me two years ago at a Sunday lunch).
Let me elaborate....
First time ever at my boyfriends grandmother's house to eat lunch, and we find out the day before that her famous fried chicken is on the menu.  For a normal person, this is great news.  Who doesn't love fried chicken? But this just sends me into a complete frenzy. How in the world am I supposed to eat that fried chicken gracefully and in such a way that will impress his grandmother? For hours, I practice in my mind exactly how I'm going to cut that chicken leg with a fork. I thought about it all morning until the exact moment I saw the plate of food being placed in front of me. Green stuff.  It was all over my plate. Green beans and cabbage. Crap. The green beans, I can tolerate. Swallow them whole without thinking about it in between sips of sweet tea. Done. But the cabbage? Smells like.... well, cabbage. How am I going to choke this down? If I was anywhere but here, I would just pick up the fried chicken with my hands, eat a bean or two, and push the cabbage to the side with my fork. But not here. I have to eat the entire plate right here. And gracefully. Without gagging. Impossible. So I plan out my next thirty minutes carefully. While people are in conversation with one another, I'll quickly eat the green beans with my tea on standby. Done. Now to the cabbage. Pumping myself up, I scoop the entire lump of cabbage up with my fork and shove it in my mouth. Pure nastiness. Thinking of my ABC's and dandelions, I force myself to swallow without gagging. Heck yes. Ate that cabbage like a champ!  
Okay, down to the chicken. This is where it gets interesting. Apparently, when cutting your chicken leg with a fork and a butter knife, you can't exactly tell which part is meat and which part is bone (by the way, looking back on it, I looked completely ridiculous cutting my chicken leg with a butter knife). So there I am. I just chomped down on some chicken meat with a tiny bone still attached to it (and I thought the cabbage would be the worst part).  I would be lying if I said I didn't freak out. My mind was going ninety to nothing trying to come up with a solution to getting rid of this chicken bone in my mouth. I can't swallow it. I'll choke and die right here on this pink lace tablecloth.  So I sit there. For about three minutes (which seemed like forever) I sat there with my lips sealed shut and my eyes looking around the table for possible solutions. Could I ever so slyly spit the bone into my glass of water while I'm "taking a sip?" No. Glass is clear. That would be a whole other issue. Okay, final decision: I'm going to spit this stupid bone into my napkin so quick that nobody will notice.  Okay, one, two, three, go! I muster up the courage to spit it out into the napkin. However, this did not go as smooth as I would like for it to have gone. Have you ever gone to the dentist to get a cavity filled and half of your mouth is completely numb and you feel like your lip is unproportionally huge? Then they make you spit the water into that little stick thing (which is just cruel because you can't do it without looking ridiculous and drooling everywhere). Well.... needless to stay, that is exactly what I looked like spitting that bone into the napkin. Good grief. No manners whatsoever. And that was the final straw. Screw eating the rest of my food. This plate was too much handle. I'm done. 
During the rest of the time we were there, I was completely silent. I'm still not sure if anyone saw my moment. I had already prayed that if they did, God would erase it from their memory. But what if they think I was a complete awkward mess during the whole shindig? I probably thought about that lunch for an entire week. And looking back on it two years later, I can't believe I cared so much. But hey, what can ya do? You live and you learn... one awkward moment at a time.